In another set of photos of highly questionable provenance, the Monkey stars as a sitcom cast member, a pop music star, an emperor, and an impatient café client.
San Francisco, California, mid-1990s. The producers of the popular family sitcom Full House introduce a new neighbor character (played by the Monkey) to counterbalance the meddling antics of Kimmy Gibler (Andrea Barber) in the Tanner clan’s lives. Sacked after two episodes, the Monkey moved to Chicago on the promise of a recurring guest role on Family Matters.
During his character’s brief life, the Monkey was instrumental in several key plot points. His character: helps Danny Tanner (Bob Saget) coax daughters Michelle (Ashley/Mary-Kate Olsen) and Stephanie (Jodie Sweetin) to sleep after a scary movie; contacts old friend/Beach Boy Mike Love to land Uncle Jesse (John Stamos) a spot on next Beach Boys tour; helps Steve (Scott Weinger) smoothe over a “silly mistake” that jeopardized his relationship with DJ (Candace Cameron); teaches twins Nicky and Alex (Blake and Dylan Tuomy-Wilhoit) the dangers of playing with matches; scores Uncle Joey (Dave Coulier) a weekly gig at Señor Funny’s in Oakland; and talks cash-strapped Becky (Lori Loughlin) out of posing for a men’s magazine.
The Monkey’s appearances are thus considered by aficionados to be among the best episodes of Full House, though the show’s producers inexplicably found the Monkey-Gibler dynamic too “gritty” for the show’s young fan base. Neilsen Ratings spikes during the original airdates of the Monkey’s two episodes seem to suggest otherwise, however.
France, 1812. The Monkey and Napoleon Bonaparte, two of the greatest statesmen of 19th Century Europe, meet in the latter’s study for discussions that will shape the face of the continent. The moment is immortalized by Jacques-Louis David, court painter to the Emperor Napoleon.
History’s memory of the painting was forever altered by an interesting chain of events. Though interpretations vary, most historians hypothesize that the Monkey had fallen out of favor with the Emperor due to the former’s steadfast insistence that Napoleon concentrate less on genocidal warfare and more on internal reforms within France. The Monkey’s warnings were borne out in the Emperor’s defeat at Waterloo in 1815, and in his last act before imprisonment on Saint Helena, Napoleon had the Monkey’s image removed out of spite. Unbeknownst to the Emperor, however, David secretly smuggled the original to Brussels with him as he fled into exile, leaving the better-known, but monkeyless Napoleon in his Study in its place.
Arles, France, 1888. The Monkey chooses an apparently great streetside table at his local café, Le Terrace. Unfortunately, Guillaume Dubois, the other waiter on shift that night, is running late, and poor Jean-Paul Mouton is left running ragged. The Monkey grows impatient and decides to head for Café de la Croix across the square, but not before being captured by Vincent Van Gogh’s brush.
Las Vegas, United States, 2002. The hottest act in pop music, the Monkey featuring Britney Spears, perform “Oops! We Did It Again” for an awestruck crowd. Oft imitated but never bested, the duo called quits on their partnership later that year.
London, England, 1963. Though rock music fans have never ceased to debate the identity of the elusive “fifth Beatle,” this extremely rare LP cover from the Monkey’s own collection should resolve the long-running dispute once and for all: Forget Stuart Sutcliffe and Brian Epstein, forget Sir George Martin and Billy Preston—the real Fifth Beatle was none other than the Monkey himself. With his pioneering use of minor chord changes, introspective lyrics, and hooky melodies, the Monkey played a pivotal role in the formative years of bandmates John, Paul, George, and Ringo, helping them through the dark days and long nights of Hamburg’s Reeperbahn and Liverpool’s Cavern Club. Lamentably, as work began on the band’s first album, Meet the Beatles, the Monkey had a spat with John Lennon over an alleged fling with a West German girlfriend, leading to his falling out with the group. With the Monkey’s departure, the quintet became the quartet that would soon conquer the pop music world.
Following the flak, the cover art for first Beatles record was revised and the Monkey’s image was airbrushed out. Several years later, in a reconciliatory gesture much appreciated by the Monkey, John penned a song dedicated to his long-lost bandmate. Lennon’s “Everybody’s Got Something To Hide Except Me and My Monkey” proved to be one of the catchiest tracks on the Beatles’ eponymous 1968 White Album.
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