The Monkey realizes there will be skeptics out there who question the authenticity of some of his pictures, and for the record let the Monkey state unequivocally that there are no faked pictures on his website… except here, in this section of fake Monkey pictures.
Of course, the Monkey leaves it up to you to decide for yourself. Was he the fourth great power at the Yalta Conference in 1945? Did he participate in an Apollo moonshot? Was he a late-arriving cast member of Full House? Just how tight are the Monkey and Britney Spears? Only he knows for sure, but these photos are, shall we say, artist’s renditions of what it might have looked like had he done such things. Enjoy.
Yalta, USSR, 1945. War is raging in Europe. The Allied leaders of Britain, the United States, and the Soviet Union gather to consult the Monkey for his advice on the shape of post-war Europe. After the Monkey’s departure, Churchill and Stalin secretly divide the post-conflict spoils: Romania and Bulgaria fall fully in the Soviet sphere, while Greece orients fully to the British and U.S.; Hungary faces east, and Yugoslavia is to be a meeting somewhere in the middle…
The Moon, 1969. A flimsy aluminum landing module ends the race to the moon. U.S. Astronauts Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin, accompanied by unaffiliated traveler Monkey, step out of the module onto the dusty lunar surface. While the Monkey’s exclamation, “Holy shit!” is the first phrase uttered on the moon, Armstrong’s “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind” catchphrase somehow finds its way into the popular consciousness instead.
Japan, 2001. The Monkey plays an integral part in an up and coming Japanese pop group called Happatai. In a career move he later comes to regret, the Monkey leaves the group citing “artistic differences” just prior to the release of their mega-hit, “Yatta!” Within months, Happatai is an internet phenom with more kanojos (that’s “girlfriends”) than they know what to do with. Score one for the J-boys.
Eldon, Iowa, United States, 1930. While roaming the breadbasket and soaking up the rural atmosphere, struggling artist Grant Wood spotted an eye-catching farmhouse that inspired one of his greatest works. Returning to his studio, Wood drafted his dentist Byron, his sister Nan, and his good friend the Monkey as models to fill out his Depression-era portrait of a Midwestern farming family. Pleased with his creation, which he titled “Midwest Gothic,” Wood hung the painting in his studio.
Later that year, upon hearing of a contest launched by the Art Institute of Chicago, Wood began working feverishly on a copy of the canvas to send to Chicago. Out of humility, the Monkey urged Wood to leave him out of the replica. Wood honored his friend’s request and dubbed the monkeyless version “American Gothic.” The replica went on to take a prize in the contest, and was acquired by the Art Institute for its collection. Over time, “American Gothic” became one of the most recognized paintings in the pantheon of U.S. masterworks, but few of the thousands of people who view it each year realize that the archetypal farming couple portrayed in the piece was once a trio.
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